The Awakening of Brother Thomas

Baltasar Gracian is reputed to have said:

• 256 "…..Of great value in these matters (of avoiding the shoals of life) is a feigned blindness, cover everything with the cloak of courtesy, for that is the quiet way out of all embarrassments."

I thought that was truly wise. It is wholly consistent with the admonition to test all actions with: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? It has been my goal to bypass, where possible, the hurts of living with thoughtfulness and kindness. These I try to express even when others behave in a manner that might seem to merit rebuke.

How great, then, was my distress when a sober friend pointed out to me, if he were to completely give himself to his simple program of recovery, that he needed to "…be honest…".And "cloaking" oneself is inconsistent with, "…a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."

Yes, I have noticed that many folks in the flush of a new-found life based upon spiritual principles tend to be really open with the facts of their lives, the truths they are learning, and their opinions. They think that whatever is inside needs to be worn on the outside, for they will be as sick as their deepest secret.

Migrating from a life of delusion and deception to one of openness might be expected to take one beyond the point of reasonable balance in this matter of candor. For, as a long-timer once told us, "Honesty without compassion can be akin to brutality."

The goal here is to lead an honest life without generating avoidable harm. As the navigators learn, "Piloting (steering the vessel in narrow or shallow waters} merits the nicest form of judgment".

In steering between candor and compassion it was pointed out to my sober friend that his own textbooks chose compassion:

• While we may be quite willing to reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember that we cannot buy our own peace of mind at the expense of others. [12&12 Page 84, line 12]
  
  
• And even in those cases where such a matter must be discussed, let's try to avoid harming third parties, whoever they may be. It does not lighten our burden when we recklessly make the crosses of others heavier. {12&12 Page 86, line 12]
  
  
• Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. [BB Page 20, line 1]
  
  
• Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. [Page 59, line 24]
  
  
• We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. [Page 69, line 26]
  
  
• If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. [Page 70, line 11]
  
  
• The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others. [Page 74, line 21]
  
  
• Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. [Page 76, line 20]
  
  
• Love and tolerance of others is our code. [Page 84, line 29]

We even explored some specific examples, including:

John has secretly hated Aunt Martha all his life, and he was filled with silent resentment against her, mostly for pretty obscure reasons. Soon after he got sober, he resolved to apologize to her for his hard feelings. John’s spiritual advisor asked him what benefit to Aunt Martha would come from his candor. In what way would he be amending a harm that he had caused her? He realized that the only benefit would be a superficial cleansing of his past, and that Aunt Martha might actually suffer deep injury upon learning of her distastefulness to him. John realized that his quest for spiritual cleansing would be achieved with the sullying of Aunt Martha, and he eventually adjusted his attitude to one of caring acceptance. He did make amends, though, by trying to be a fine nephew. In the process, he soon discovered that Aunt Martha was, as well, transformed into a fine aunt.

Yes, seek our own salvation we must. But it cannot be purchased at the expense of others nor granted if we leave their suffering in our wake. It is this very attribute of selfishness, self-centeredness that must be abandoned.